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Peter and Stewie: (harmonizing)

Peter: Well, this is a spot. The girls are supposed to meet us here any middle. Hey, look! Uh, let's get some lunch, and surprise them with a picnic!

Stewie: Yeah!

Brian: Doo-doo-doo-doo! I'll be right with you fellers in a min- Hey! Can't you clown read?!

Peter: What?

Stewie: Huh?

Brian: The sign on the door says: "No shirt! No shoes! No service!" I'm trying to run a... classy establishment here.

Stewie: Now, what do we do?

Peter: I know! Hey, give me your shirt.

Stewie: Give me your shoes.

Peter: (annoyed) Okay, look. Let's team up. We'll make one outfit, and one of us will go in get carry out for everyone. Deal?

Stewie: But who gets to go in?

Peter: Draw straws?

Stewie: Okay. Draw. (laughs) All right, all right, give him up!

Peter: Ha-ha-ha! AAH! Hey, knock it off!

Stewie: (giggling)

Brian: Good afternoon! What can I get you, sir?

Stewie: A malted, some onion rings, a big curly fries, and uh, let's see, um- Look at those hot buns!

Brian: Yeah, I like to rub them buns with olive oil so they don't get burned.

Stewie: (laughs)

Peter: You're a riot. Now hurry up!

Meg: 🎵 Island breeze, island breeze! 🎵

Peter: Oh, no!

Meg: 🎵 Take my message across the sea! To the one I love, the one I'm dreaming of too titanic above! 🎵

Peter: I can't let them see me like this, no! (whistling)

Stewie: Ah-hahahaha! Ha-hahahahaha! Hahahahahahaha!


Stewie: AAH! Ha-hahaha!

Peter: Wa, wa, wa! Wa, wa, wa! Wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, wa, waaa!

Stewie: That's not funny!

Peter: Wa, wa!

Meg: The boys are supposed to meet us right here.

Lois: I'm sure they're around here somewhere.

Meg: Yoo-hoo! Peter!

Peter: Ooh! (bells ringing) (teeth chattering) Eeh!

Brian: How'd you like to pay for that?

Stewie: Credit!

Brian: Got ID?

Stewie: Sure!

Brian: What are you clowning me?

Stewie: (weakling) What?

Brian: That ain't you.

Stewie: He he he!

Brian: And stay out!

Stewie: WAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!

Lois and Meg: Peter!

Peter: Hey, girls! Care for a picnic?

Lois and Meg: Yay!

Stewie: No!

Lois: Stewie?

Stewie: Hiya, toots.

Lois: Oh, my goose down! You're naked in public!

Meg: Huh?

Lois: What is wrong with you?

Stewie: But, but, but-

Lois: Stop! I'm too embarrassed to even be seen with you. Now, about that picnic.

Peter: (whistling)

Stewie: (crying in pain) (crowd laughing)

Brian: Boy, some people ain't got no class.


I Am Clichéd

Cow and Chicken






Cow's Magic Blanket

Written by

David Feiss

Michael Ryan

Story by

Bob Camp

Directed by

David Feiss


July 24, 1999

Episode Chronology
Previous segment

The Cow and Chicken Blues

Next segment

I Are Good Salesman


The Ballad of Cow and Chicken is the episode of Cow and Chicken and is the part of fifty-second episode first overall. And the last and final episode after the show got canceled in 1999.


This episode starts with Earl and Flem with Teacher as they dressed up in a cowboy style attire while they play instruments to an disinterested and unamused crowd. Teacher begins to sing a ballad. At the introduction of the ballad, Cow and chicken are at the front lawn of their house while the Red Character is dressed up as a phony detective scammer named officer Mike Heiney. As Red Character puts his hand in his coat, Cow and chicken thinks it’s a gun, and they go on Cow’s bike as they get away from him. Red Character chases him on his buttocks. As the ballad continues, they go to a train as Red Character falls into a waterfall. Cow and Chicken gets through the adventure as they run into a boxer dog, and a sheep that beat up the Red Character, ( probably because they knew that he’s bad, and wanted to get rid of Cow and chicken ). As they head to the train, the siblings goes to a farm. Chicken goes into a hen house, and sits by the female hens, until an angry rooster chases Chicken around in the woods. Flem interrupts Teacher because he doesn’t like where this is going with Chicken getting chased by a rooster. Teacher gets irritated by him, and yells at him to keep playing. As the crowd leaves in annoyance, Red Character follows Cow into the horse stables. Suddenly, Red Character notices Cow by calling her funny looking. Then an old farmer gets offended by punching him in the face, flying across in the air while Chicken is there for Cow. The farmer’s wife beats Red Character in the head with a rolling pin. Cow and Chicken run for their lives again. Then they go into the city where Red Character follows them with a bear trap, but accidentally hits the bear on the foot. The bear attacks Red Character, and throws him on the ground. Red Character chased the siblings once more by cornering them into a corner. Earl asks about what’s gonna happened with Cow and Chicken. Teacher gets very annoyed by him, and says it’s a song for entertainment as she insults him. Flem and Earl play the instruments again. Chicken defensively asks Red Character for the chasing. Red Character says he was going to give Cow’s toy, Krabs the warthog because she drop it, but she had it for the entire time. Red Character laughs and rolls around with crabs crawling on him. Cow and Chicken are both weirded out and confused at the same time as they exchanged glances at each other. Teacher ends the song as she yells at the empty chairs in the theater. Red Character applauded for the song as the crabs pinched on him again.